Published on March 4th, 2015 | by Jaime Kulaga0
Tools To Make Your Self-Talk More Positive
By Jaime Kulaga—
Who came with up with the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Words hurt. Words become especially painful when the hurtful words about us, come from us. Sticks and stones will break your bones, but negative self-talk will destroy you. Here are the top three tools for better self-talk.
1. Get Rid of the “Have To,” “Must” and “Should” Talk.
Those things that “have to get done” are part of a sabotaging mind habit we created for ourselves. The reality is, a lot of what we do does not “have to” get done, or, if it does, it doesn’t “have to” happen right then and there. Using words like “have,” “must,” “should” and “ought” are words that fill us with guilt and anxiety. Women despise feeling guilty, thus to avoid feelings of guilt, we satisfy the “haves” in our lives before we satisfy ourselves.
Women often do not deem themselves as a “have” or “must” in their own lives, thus everything else is worked on and fulfilled, except them. Despite popular belief, laundry does not HAVE to get done on the weekends. Weekend is a compound word. Week-end. Your week has ended. Use this time to walk away from the “should” and “haves” in your life, and do the things that you really would like to do in Life, like all those things you “missed out on” or “wished you could do.”
2. Stop Telling Yourself Everything Has to be Perfect.
Perfection is subjective. That’s why you should never try to be perfect for anyone or anything. If you spend your life trying to be perfect for someone else, you may find you are never perfect, for you.
Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and life fulfillment, but you’ve set yourself up for failure. Don’t spend your life trying to be something that doesn’t exist. By striving for perfection, your mind and body will go one of two ways:
- Back down altogether. Your mind and body are smart. If you set a goal for something that is not attainable, why even try? Your mind and body won’t waste time and energy trying to strive for something that is unachievable. So, the mind finds excuses and the body will support it.
- You’ll attempt your goals with perfection in mind, and then fail (because perfection does not exist). This pattern of attempting and failing lowers our self-esteem and sometimes our desire to set goals at all.
Instead of perfectionism, work toward self-actualization. Self-actualization means to develop your full potential. You’re always in the mind-set of growing and developing yourself. It is through striving for self-actualization that you will find life, mind and body fulfillment.
3. Recognize Life is Not Only Black or White
I get it—you don’t have time. Neither do I. But the reality is, we’re both thinking in black and white right now. Working out doesn’t mean 60 minutes or 0—all or nothing. Working out to a ten minute app on your phone in the middle of the kitchen is still some form of exercise. It counts.
We often get stuck on thinking and doing things the same way for so long, that we forget there are so many other ways to make decisions or to succeed. If you think you’ve exhausted every possibility, you’re wrong. When you think differently, you open more doors for opportunity—doors you can’t even fathom right now because you don’t know they exist. Talk yourself out of the black and white, and into the shades of grey.
See more about Jaime Kulaga.
Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D., on the left, is the author of The SuperWoman’s Guide to Super Fulfillment: Step by Step Strategies to CreateWork-Life Balance. She coaches individuals on a national platform to reach a more productive life.